Practising Mindfulness

The value of self-awareness can’t be overestimated. And nether can the value of meditation as a tool for achieving it

Aspects of our character we’re uncomfortable with or unaware of are often projected on to others in the form of criticism. As an adult, I’ve come to realise that my father was very authoritarian in his approach to parenting. As a result of this, I’ve developed a complex around authority and find myself uncomfortable around it or people who have this demeanour. It’s followed me all my life. Once I become aware of this fear, though, I’m much better equipped to deal with the consequences. Authority frightens the child within me, and there are unhealthy consequences.

One other aspect of this that I’ve recently come to understand is how I have an authoritarian approach to myself. I’m very hard on myself. And it’s always our own inner-critic that’s the most damming. It follows that if I’m very critical and judgmental of my self, and not always aware of this, I’ll project this same judgement and criticism on to others. I can spend hours criticising the actions of others.

There are times when I become enraged at the behaviour of others and, in particular, their lack of self awareness. There are people in my life who are so unaware of their own behaviour and the reasons for their self-perpetuated difficulties that I often feel angry and frustrated. I’m judging them and can’t seem to stop myself.

The result is a spiral of rage and frustration. I’m thinking: Why the hell can’t this person see why this is happening to them. The reasons are screaming at me, and yet I’m powerless to help. I’m powerless because of the position I’ve placed myself in.

The cure to all this frustration and rage is to understand the real issue. The real issue is the lack of control I have over myself. I often feel I’m failing at the self-awareness game, and it depresses me. It’s my authoritarian self that needs to step aside. In other words, I need to give myself a break! This is achieved through finding that place of calm neutrality in my mind. That place where I’ve ceased the constant thinking and judgement. Meditation is the cure.

We can think of critical judgement of others as our minds attempt to heighten our self-awareness

Through acknowledging the characteristics we criticise in others and then meditating on where we learnt that very same characteristic, we heighten our self-awareness. It’s worth taking some time to think about that last sentence.

We might ask: What is the advantage of heightened self-awareness? And my immediate response is that knowing ones self awards us wholeness. Wholeness leads to improved control over the mind and our general well-being.

The unhealthy consequences of unrecognized fear, for me, is the coping mechanism of eating unhealthy food. Knowing that fear and embracing it helps me to heal the inner child. Not through an authoritarian “pull yourself together” but through love. The love that tells me: Stop being so hard on yourself.

“I hold my face between my hands,

No I’m not crying,

I hold my face between my hands to keep my loneliness warm,

two hands protecting,

two hands nourishing,

two hands preventing,

to prevent my soul from leaving me in anger”

– Thich Nhat Hanh