When Doubt Takes Over Our Minds

Getting stuck with doubt is extremely debilitating. It’s a little like quicksand in its nature: the more we struggle, the deeper we sink. Wrestling with doubt is also very tiring. When we’re trapped in the confusion, brought on by a doubt and uncertainty, we can even feel like we’re going slightly mad. We can begin to feel like we no longer know our own mind and begin to rely on others to make decisions for us.

If you can imagine a child emotionally abused for years, having all their decisions and choices questioned, criticised and invalidated time and time again, eventually, they become weak and subservient to their abuser. The insanity of confusion and doubt is so strong, they become completely reliant on their abusers to make decisions for them. They literally no longer know their own mind. Self-doubt seeded over years of abuse.

There are relationships like this in adulthood. A gentle soul can have all their assertive, decision making skills, sucked out of them, through the subtle and insidious installation of doubt. “Are you sure?” Oh you bet I am.

How Others Plant Seeds of Self-Doubt

The game of instilling doubt is played as a form of control. If we want to damage the self-esteem of a child, for example, all we need do is question and invalidate their choices through criticism. Do this for long enough, and eventually, they’ll simply give up making any decisions for themselves at all. Then we’ll have them totally at our mercy, completely in our control. We must ask why would anyone need to do this to a child? In answer to this, it’s frightened, insecure adults, who need to do this. In particular, it’s adults who believe they own their children, or indeed their partners.

When Power Comes From Diminishing Others

Being assertive with our decision making does take courage. From deciding what clothes to wear before going out for dinner, to the bigger decisions in life, there will always be a degree of courage involved. We must overcome our fear of change and the chances of making mistakes. If we fear mistakes, either through having made many in the past, or having this fear instilled in us as children, we will of course be reluctant to make quick, impulsive decisions. There are times though, when it’s these kind of snap decisions, that open up our lives in ways we previously didn’t imagine.

Reframing Mistakes as Mindful Feedback

There are certain things in life we can be sure of. One of these things is that change can only enhance life. An unwelcome change may not feel like it at the time, yet eventually, hindsight always shows us the necessity and importance of change. We must make all manner of decisions every day. If we doubt everyone we make, we become stuck, and we stagnate.

Watch and listen closely to those around you. Are they invalidating and questioning your everyday choices? Is it the case, that even the way you decide to react emotionally to situations, being questioned? If so, it will be this that’s creating your doubt and confusion. Is it time to move on? Decide.